Lost in Review Pt. 3
New and improved version, remember!?
It’s election night baby and I have nothing to say so let’s skip the prelude and hop right into something good for once.
Raised By Another
More like Raised By An Other amirite?? Anyways, I fucking love this episode, I got excited the second I saw the episode name! Also this is a Claire episode which is fun :)
Okay so let’s start with the flashbacks. So we start by seeing Claire finding out she’s pregnant and her scumbag boyfriend convinces her this is actually soooo tight and they’re going to keep it. He sucks SO BAD!!
Next flashback we meet the psychic Richard Malkin who is being Weiiiiiird™! Claire is just being silly and excited and trying to have fun and he won’t read her fortune for some reason. This scene is so sick tbh.
Next cut to Claire hanging some drapes and her boyfriend has an episode and dumps her because he can’t take the pressure. Dude, this was YOUR IDEA!! Claire naturally flips and he tells her “I have done nothing” when, buddy, you’ve done literally ALL OF THIS YOU LOSER!!! What an idiot!!!! I hate him!!
So Claire goes back to Malkin who gives her a proper reading this time and also warns her that she must be a part of this baby’s life! It’s is integral to the universe that Claire raise this baby herself! Weird! Claire runs away and we see that Malkin proceeds to start calling her in the middle of the night?? Why would he call her in the middle of the night?? Why not like idk 2pm?? 5:30 when she’s prolly getting home from work?? Idk 2am is so weird!! Anyways all his weirdness makes Claire back out of her baby’s adoption after every single pen she tries to use to sign the paperwork fails (are you KIDDING ME!!) and go back to Malkin who tells her that he know what to do she must go to LA on ONE SPECIFIC FLIGHT (Oceanic 815 which so happens to crash onto the island 👀) and a family will pick her up from the airport and adopt her baby. But it has to be THAT FLIGHT!! Suspicious!
So back on the island we start with Claire waking up from a nightmare and I would just like to say: Claire is like a million months pregnant, she’s lost on an island, she’s about to give birth in a dirty cave instead of a hospital and nobody is sympathetic to her maybe being a little stressed out???? Anyways, Claire wakes up screaming and damn she got LUNGS on her!!
Cut to the beach where Kate is standing on the edge of the water contemplating and Jack is of course bothering her. He asks what she’s doing and she says “I’m sinking” which is something I think about all the time when I’m at the beach. Anyways, Kate is worried about Sayid and Jack is worried about Claire. I already forgot about Sayid but I’m sure he’s fine.
Cut to Charlie and Claire and they’re doing that classic Charlie/Claire thing where Charlie is being extremely earnest and protective and Claire is saying nothing. So cute. Anyways Claire has ANOTHER nightmare and wakes up screaming and Jack tries to comfort her by telling her she’s actually crazy. Great bedside manner! Hurley once again is the smartest person on the island and gives the classic: “I’m out here with Scott and Steve and then I realize, who the hell are Scott and Steve?” Also “my names not even Hurley, it’s Hugo. Hurley just a nickname I have. Why? I’m not telling!” I love him so much! Anyways he’s starting a census! He also points out that “someone’s getting punched or slapped every other day” which is so true and nobody’s talking about it!!
Anyways the next day Hurley starts his census with John Locke, and John really gets around this island doesn’t he lmao he’s all over!!
Meanwhile Jack and Charlie argue about Claire and ugh I literally hate both Jack and Charlie in this argument! Jack is being so condescending when Claire is COMPLETELY RIGHT and Charlie flipping his shit when Jack suggests that Claire might be dreaming (honestly a reasonable assumption)! Both are so annnnoyying! Claire is barely a part of this conversation of course.
Okay back to Hurley who is still on his census bullshit and holy fucking shit it’s Ethan Rom!!!! Ethan says he’s from Ontario and asks what the census is for and Hurley says he just thought it would be a good idea. Next he talks to Shannon who is very funny and Boone who recommends Hurley just get the flight manifesto from Sawyer. Hurley approaches Sawyer and tells him he wants the manifesto and Sawyer (a good guy) gives it to him no problem. Love when that happens!
Back at the caves Claire is leaving because no one is helping her and everyone is being so mean to her and Jack is proving once again that he’s so bad at handling anxiety lol He offers Claire some sedatives and she’s officially out of there with Charlie trailing behind him. They’re halfway through the jungle when Claire doubles over with contractions and Charlie seems oddly dumbfounded that such a thing could happen to a heavily pregnant woman. What on earth does he think Claire is experiencing??? Claire sends him to find Jack and instead he finds…. Ethan Fucking Rom!!! While Ethan is doing… something… Claire and Charlie muse that maybe Malkin knew the plane was going to crash the whole time!! Woah!! Meanwhile the contractions slow to a stop and Charlie says Jack told him stress could cause a false labor. Crisis averted!
Back at the caves an injured Sayid stumbles in somehow in horribly bad shape and mumbling about them being “not alone” but before anyone can figure out what that’s all about in comes Hurley because, dudes, we’ve got a problem. He’s cross-referenced the manifesto with his census and someone wasn’t on the manifesto. Dude!! Ethan wasn’t on the plane!!
Cut back to Claire and Charlie who have just run into guess who?? Ethan Fucking Rom in the jungle. Ethan makes an expression it would be impossible for me to describe and we cut to credits.
All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues
Doesn’t this seem like it should be a sawyer episode name?? And yet? All the best cowboys really DO have daddy issues I guess!!
Okay we start off with the cave gang figuring out that A) Ethan Rom’s ass was NOT on that plane and B) Clairley are missing. Jack/Locke take off to look for them and we get another amazing running seen. I love when it shows them running!!
They get to the site of abduction and Jack immediately starts screaming because he is sofa king dumb. Locke tells him to stfu for obvious reasons and then brings up the concept of Others on the island suggesting that they figure out wtf is happening before sprinting into the jungle. This isn’t actually something that Jack is capable of ever so he does decide to sprint off into the jungle.
Locke goes back to the caves to recruit the only other person on the island who is capable of contributing to this sort of thing (Kate) as well as the little boy he’s been hanging out with all season for some reason (Boone). Micheal tries to come with them but Locke absolutely destroys him instead and he’s forced to stay back with his least favorite person on the island (his own son).
Cut to a flashback where Jack is trying and failing to save a woman in surgery. He does something that will be extremely relevant soon and refuses to call it, instead trying and failing to resuscitate her for much longer than necessary. Jack gets into a little verbal tussle with Christian Shepherd (classic) and reveals that his dad had fucked up the surgery and Jack had been called in by a nurse who said Christian Shepherd’s hands were shaking. Jack asks “how many drinks did you have at lunch dad” which—not enough if his hands were still shaking, amirite??
Back on the island Micheal is whining that he’s not a part of the main group despite the fact that he literally is?? Like so much more than 80% of the people on the island. Most of the people there still don’t know Scott from Steve but Michael is forced to parent one single time and has a tantrum over it? Idk…. Anyways, Micheal’s having a bad day because first Locke destroys him and now his own son shuts him down. Once again instead of parenting he puts his own ego first and goes off to look for Claire and Charlie by himself for some reason.
Meanwhile Locke and crew have found Jack immediately because he’s dumb as hell. They start to find a trail and realize that Charlie has been leaving them the little tapes from his fingies. Oh Charlie, the little hobbit that you are!!! They realize that the trails fork so they split up with Kate tracking and Jack following one path and Locke/Boone on the other. Who knew Kate could track! I’m sure Jack will respond to this innocuous surprise in a normal and calm way!
Back at the caves Sawyer is getting the news of the disappearances from Walt and I gotta say, I LOVE Sawyer and Walt together!!! This scene is so cute!! Anyways, Sawyer finds out that Sayid is back! Uh oh!
Back with the A Team search party Boone and Locke are having a moment. Boone asks what Locke did off the island (worked for a box company) and when Locke tells him he responds “yeah right” which is funny and good.
Checking in with the other search party, Jack is getting stressed and turning into a huge asshole. Shocking!
Flashback to Jack in his father’s office dealing with the aftermath of that woman’s death. Jack looks over the report for the case which states that her death was unavoidable. Jack hits his father with a tight “looks like you fixed everything but the patient.” Damn! Christian Shepherd gives a half baked apology but Jack is so love starved that he falls for it and signs off on the report regardless.
Back on the island Sawyer and Sayid are making friends :) Sawyer backs out of any revenge he had planned when Sayid tells him about his kooky adventures with the french woman and instead Sawyer lets Sayid know that he “kept your signal fire burning” LOVE YOU BOYS!!
Meanwhile at the beach Hurley is getting his ass kicked at backgammon. Walt’s so good at this it’s almost like he’s got psychic powers 👀👀👀 Hurley decides to do something less painful, getting up and letting Walt know that “I got a meeting” and Walt yells after him “you owe me $20,000!!” to which Hurley responds “You’ll get it!” And he will!
Back with Locke/Boone, Locke is on a mission and is trying to get Boone to turn back but Boone is way too busy yapping. Checking with Jack/Kate they seem to have a lead with another on Charlie’s sick little fingie tapes. Jack hears a scream and decides to explain what he heard calmly and coherently to Kate so they can decide what to do together. I’m just kidding he takes off running into the jungle with no idea where he’s going and leaving no explanation. And HOLY FUCKING SHIT ITS ETHAN ROM!!! And he’s threatening to kill one of them if Jack doesn’t stop following him!!
Jack and Ethan tussle but Ethan is wayyyy stronger than Jack and whoops him. Jack’s pathological need to save people is seriously bumming me out!!! Love to see him get his ass severely kicked though! Jack comes to a few minutes after getting the shit beaten out of him and Kate is there and trying to tend to him but of course Jack flies into another gamer rage and takes off again to find Ethan. Bro, he told you to stop following him!
Moments later they find Charlie hanging from a tree. they get him down and Jack gets to save someone :) and the Giacchino swells! Actually Jack gives Charlie relentless CPR while Kate begs him to stop and responds “no…” and then resumes punching Charlie in the chest in a way that KILLS ME!! It does work this time and we’re all crying to Giacchino now! Jack is cradling Charlie lol I bet Charlie is going to be so thankful and nice about this!!
Back at the caves Charlie is throwing a bitch fit, shocking, and Jack promises to go back out in the morning to look for Claire. Charlie says “they” were after Claire the whole time. Brother, who is THEY???
Meanwhile the Jungle Boys are still wandering around in the dark. Boone finally decides this is enough and Locke tosses him a flashlight only to miss and the flashlight lands on the floor of a jungle with a metallic thunk??? What’s that metallic thunk??? (Meanwhile ******* is like… who’s fucking knocking??) The boys start digging.
Whatever the Case May Be
Oh I love this episode! So we start with Kate picking fruit, this bitch LOOOVES picking fruit! But anyways she heard a noise and throws a rock only to hit Sawyer who comes out claiming he was watching over her since she’s out in the jungle by herself. I LOVE Sawyer in this episode (and all episodes). He and Kate are so so so good together! Like has anyone noticed how much fun it is to watch Sawyer and Kate interact as opposed to watching Jack and Kate interact?? Weird! Anyways Kate and Sawyer discover a cute little swimming hole and decide to strip down and frolic for a bit. Which I have two things to say: one, Kate is wearing the classic Wife Pleaser No Bra and two, why do the men in this show always swim in jeans?? There is literally nothing worse to swim in?? I have a theory but I’ll refrain from typing it out lol
Anyways, these two cuties decide to go jump off the cliffs a few times for fun. In my notes here I just put ❤︎❤︎❤︎Sawyer❤︎❤︎❤︎ sooooo…. Also that is SO DANGEROUS!! Anyways suddenly Kate (who looks incredibly weird underwater) sees BODIES!! Oh no! But instead of panicking she swims down (with the help of Sawyer) and gets a case out from under one of the seats claiming it’s hers. Weird because once they get it back to shore it’s clear that Kate doesn’t know how to open it. This wasn’t Kate’s case at all was it?? Sawyer comes to the same conclusion and takes it.
Back on the beach the survivors are busy moving all their soggy stuff out of the water after a very high tide came in. Weird! Jack is fucking relentless and uses this as an opportunity to once again try to get people to the caves, something (Sayid points out) that people are wary of doing especially after someone just got fucking kidnapped from the caves!
Jack announces that he would like to meet Rousseau, something which Sayid quickly puts the kibosh on. Sayid now doubts his own memories of the voices and sets to work deciphering Rousseau’s maps and notes that he stole.
Meanwhile Shannon asks Boone what he’s doing with Locke all the time and Boone lies and calls her useless. Classic Boone.
That night Kate tries to sneak into Sawyer’s tent to steal the case but Sawyer wakes up and catches her. Darn! Kate and Sawyer are so good for each other except for the fact that Kate knows she and Sawyer are the same and she hates herself because she reminds herself of her father who she hates more than anything and therefore she hates Sawyer. In this essay I will…
The next day Sayid approaches Shannon and asks for her to help translate Rousseau’s notes and she reluctantly agrees. Also… Sayid assumes that the reason he doesn’t understand Rousseau’s equations are because she’s crazy and not simply because she’s… smarter than him and better at math… hmmmm… Anyways, Shannon has a cute bikini and there’s some light flirting between them as Sayid worries Shannon will get a sunburn and Shannon says “I have a pretty good base” she’s just like me fr except I say that and then get horribly burned every time!
Meanwhile Micheal and Hurley make fun of Sawyer for thinking he can pick a Halliburton case and suggest he use force and impact to try to open it. Locke and Boone try to hit the hatch with an axe (it doesn’t work but probably dulls the axe but I guess the struggles of the survivors are less important to these two than bro-ing out in the woods with a hatch. Nice!) And finally, Rose is on some queen shit. She says hi to a mute Charlie while struggling with her luggage and when he doesn’t respond she says “oh that’s right, you’re not talking much these days. But that doesn’t mean you get to be rude” Okay queen!! Charlie tries to be annoying about this but Rose shuts him down real quick telling him that he’s not the only sad person on this island. Incredible that men need to be reminded to attempt even basic human empathy but that’s the world we live in.
Sawyer takes Micheal’s advice and throws the case out of a tree only to have clever Kate snatch it. He chases her down and offer to give her the case if she tells him what’s in it but she declines and instead opts to tell Daddy on him (she goes to Jack and tells him that there are guns in the case). Of course Jack can’t pass up any opportunity to antagonize Sawyer or get more information about Kate so he’s way in on this two for one. He agrees to help only if they open the case together.
Kate and Jack decide, against all odds, to dig up the Marshall’s corpse to get the key to the case. Jack asks Kate if she’s alright and she responds “compared to what” which is so so so good lol. Kate tries to be sneaky and palm the key telling Jack it wasn’t on the corpse but Jack has wised up to her tricks and calls her out. A sad Kate tries to explain herself but now Jacky is mad and storms off.
Meanwhile Shannon and Sayid are struggling with Rousseau’s notes. Shannon has translated the notes into what seems like gibberish and while he believes that what she’s translated sounds familiar Sayid questions if she even got the translations right. Shannon storms off in tears. Couldn’t they tell just by looking at the words that a lot of them are repeated… almost like the lyrics… to a song…
Jack approaches Sawyer and asks him for the case, threatening to take away his antibiotics (lest we forget that Jack let Sayid torture a man and then Sayid almost killed him) because above all else Jack is empathetic and a good doctor. Sawyer gives up the case but not before getting a few jabs in and telling Jack whatever Kate told him to convince him to do this she lied.
Back at the caves Kate and Jack open the case to find exactly what Kate told him they’d find and a small envelope labeled “Personal Effects” which he gives Kate. Kate takes out a small toy airplane and Jack decides that since he ultimately doesn’t know this woman he isn’t owed an explanation. JK he yells at her until she cries. He’s such an asshole. She literally held up her end of the deal! Leave her alone! Get a job! You don’t get to demand more!
On the beach Rose gives a ~classic~ Rose line of “there’s a fine line between denial and faith, it’s much better on my side” oh Rose! Giacchino carries us away but not before Rose does something (prays) that it seems like Charlie appreciates but that would give me an aneurysm right then and there on the island. Ew!
And just before we cut to credits we see Shannon approach Sayid to tell him she figured it out. Rousseau’s notes are the lyrics to La Mer which she knows because it played in the french dub of Finding Nemo! Clever girl!
Hearts and Minds
This episode is suuuuch dookie I almost want to skip it lol but lets fucking do this I guess. Okay so we start with Boone dumb fucking face. He’s throwing a fit because Sayid is giving Shannon a present. Which first of all, giving a dead woman’s shoes to someone as a gift is craaaaazy. Anyways Hurley says he needs protein but Boone is too grumpy to engage instead choosing to threaten Sayid for (checks notes) talking to his sister? Weird gripe, dude. Anyways, Sayid literally just tried to kill a man on the island so he’s not someone I would mess with personally. Luckily Locke calls him away just in time. Locke tells Boone that they’ll need Sayid on their side later??? These two boys are weird lol, Locke just looooooves to play war!! I guess that’s why he was such an easy target for the *** ** *****! Anyways, Locke wants Boone to focus on what they're doing which is much more important. And what they’re doing is…. what exactly? Looking at the hatch??
Meanwhile in the jungle Hurley is asking Jack for help because he has diarrhea and jack thinks that’s funny. Which… if I were there you KNOW I would be absolutely shiiiiitting. Toes curled in the ferns, fully naked in the jungle SHITTING. We’d have had to find a whole new set of caves after I was done in there. Anyways, Hurley explains that he’s eating zero protein (relatable) but for him it’s because he was relying on Locke’s boar hunting and Jin hates him too much to give him fish because of that thing with the urchin. I suffer from the same affliction but in my case it’s self inflicted 😀
Jack discovers a garden that Kate and Sun have been working on and for some reason asks Kate when she had the time to “do all of this” as though Sun isn’t right there literally working on the garden right in front of him. Hate that man!
Hurley goes to Jin to ask him for help fishing but of course Jin has no idea what he’s saying so Hurley just follows him into the water regardless lmao
Back at the hatch Boone wants to tell Shannon about their little project and Locke in response thwacks him on the head, ties him up, and drugs him. The situation is Boone can reach a knife in front of him when he’s willing to stretch in a painful way? Idk how to describe it. You saw it, you know what I’m talking about! Locke is so fucking crazy dude and Boone just eats it up every time! Idk man, Boone is such a follower and Locke is obsessed with LARPing. I’m so sick of it. I literally could not care less about these two’s shenanigans, can we pleaaaaase get back to the Hurley Farting B Plot??? I also think it’s a little pre-mature to be showing Locke in this state?? Although I guess we already went full Sayid a few episodes ago so whatever.
Meanwhile Kate is yapping to Sun who she assumes can’t understand her and she still lying just for sport. Gotta love the consistency! But then Sun accidentally laughs and the ruse is up, Kate realizes she must speak english! Gotcha bitch!!
On the beach Hurley is trying and failing to copy everything Jin does and eventually stomps off the beach resigned to a life of shitting himself only to accidentally stomp an urchin. He screams “I stepped on a friggen urchin” and I’m already in hysterics. Hurley is in a panic and begs Jin to piss on his foot and Jin is (rudely) refusing. Jin then makes Hurley eat an urchin and I’m GIGGLING!
In the jungle Sayid is making a silly little compass and Locke walks in wearing a cunty little adventure vest to explain what a Webelos is. I weirdly find this incredibly endearing and all of Locke’s crimes are forgiven. Locke gives Sayid a real compass and disappears into the jungle again.
Back at the Boone situation he’s straight up napping lmao. Couldn’t be me. Also couldn’t be me because I would have instantly gotten the knife because Locke would have underestimated my natural flexibility. Anyways, Boone hears Shannon screaming and gets the knife and cuts himself free and then finds her and then smoke monster happens and they hide in a mangrove and I just don’t CAAAAARE!!!
In another part of the jungle Jack runs into Sayid who is puzzled by the compass Locke gave him not pointing north, explaining that a minor magnetic anomaly could throw off a compass by a few degrees but nothing this extreme. Weiiiiiird! I just love the way Sayid approaches this conversation lol.
Back on the beach Jack is asking Charlie his opinion on Locke. Why is Jack even on the beach, I thought he was like super cave pilled?? Anyways Charlie says Locke is the only man on the island he would trust with his life. Okay! Jack asks Charlie how he’s doing and Charlie asks if he means the heroin withdrawal or the kidnapping thing and Jack responds “I gave you aspirin for the heroin withdrawal” which, gotta hand it to him, that one was funny.
Meanwhile Kate is asking Sun why her husband doesn’t know she speaks English and Sun asked “have you never lied to a man you love?” Damn got her ass!!
Back at the caves Jin gifts a fish to Hurley. JIN ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎
Ugh Boone and Shannon get smoke monstered again but this time she dies and Boone cries. Oh no. Boone makes his way back to camp and gets mad at Locke for being a psycho and Locke explains that it was aaalllll just a hallucination and he just attacked, tied up, and drugged Boone, he didn’t also attack his sister! He’s not crazy!! Boone seems fine with this and now also hates Shannon so that’s cool I guess…
Also we finally get some normal flirting between Jack and Kate! That’s nice to see! Actually circling back to the shoes and the invisible peanut butter and the guava seeds… there are other ways to flirt on this island besides gift giving!! Or if it has to be gifts why not flowers! Or gather some fruit and make a cute little edible arrangement! Idk but someone else’s shoes or an empty jar is NOT cutting it!
Oh wait, I forgot to do flashbacks! Uhh.. siblings Boone and Shannon are fucking! See you next week!
Special
Okay to start, Micheal is once again screaming “WAAAAALT”. Classic Michael. He runs into Hurley and Jack who can’t help him but as he walks away Hurley comments that “He seems to hate it, being a dad?” Jack retorts “No it’s just a lot of hard work” and Hurley responds “Nah he hates it”
Flashback #1 we see Michael and his pregnant girlfriend shopping for cribs and idk Michael already seems a little irresponsible in this scene, insisting that Walt deserves the best even when it’s way out of budget. Idkkkkkkk
Micheal eventually does find Walt who is with Locke and Boone throwing knives. Yeah idk a couple of grown men hanging out with a little kid and giving him a knife is a bit fucked. Walt is good at it though, maybe it’s because he’s psychic. Anyways, Michael, naturally, flips his shit over this and, Jesus, Locke is so fucked on this one.
Okay so for the flashbacks, Susan dumps Micheal and takes baby Walt abroad for a fancy international law job. I’m sorry but I’m team Susan. She’s got this infant son, she’s in a dead end relationship, she just got this incredible opportunity she can’t pass up. and she knows that Michael doesn’t have the means to care for his son. Did she go about it in an extremely cold way, yes. Of course yes. I would have hopefully been a million times kinder in her place. But she’s honest to god just doing what she thinks is best. She’s doing a bad job of it but she’s trying her best!
Back in the present Micheal is struggling to relate to Walt (but doing nothing to rectify this other than complain). Jack, Sayid, and Shannon are looking at Rousseau’s map but Micheal interrupts them to announce that he’s going to build a raft. Lmao at Micheal building a raft just to get away from Locke.
The next day Michael tries for approximately 75 seconds to bond with his son before getting frustrated that it’s not working and ordering Walt to help him with the raft.
On the beach Charlie tells Kate that Claire’s diary is missing and someone must have taken it. They go to ask Sawyer if he has the diary and okay honestly why DOES Charlie need the diary! I feel like it’s better for Sawyer to read it than Charlie!! Anyways Sawyer has the diary but does a little jokey joke with Charlie and Charlie goes apeshit and it ends in fisticuffs that Kate has to break up.
Walt sneaks away from Michael to hang out with Locke and Boone again, following them back to the cave where Boone is stopped by his sister who wants to help build the raft. God, Boone has turned into such an asshole and they exchange some verbal abuse. Walt approaches Locke who tells him to respect his father, something Walt’s ass does NOT want to hear. Suddenly Michael walks in and starts yelling at Locke but before Locke can react Walt starts yelling back and Michael (naturally) retaliates by burning Walt’s comic book. Walt has so few precious things left on this earth let alone on this island and Michael’s instinctual reaction to pushback is to destroy one of them. 👍 Still, Locke is sooo annoying when it comes to Walt!
Flashback, Michael behaves rashly to Susan dating and gets hit by a car. Susan comes to visit him in the hospital (and pays his medical bills) and I understand that Susan doesn’t want Walt to miss someone he can’t spend a lot of time with but god she could at least bring Walt to see him! This once! Idk, still team Susan.
In the present, Hurley lets Michael know that his son is missing, this is of course news to Michael but he jumps into action to hunt down Locke. When he gets there Boone gets aggressive until Locke calls him off which… Boone is such a fucking guard dog! He’s dumb as hell literally reacting and with no thoughts!! I don’t remember hating Boone this much on previous watches, but christ I cannot wait until *** ****** ***** *** ******** ** ********!!!
Meanwhile Walt is with Vincent who suddenly takes off because, oh no!! a polar bear!! Polar bear attack!! (weird how the last thing shown on Walt’s comic book was a polar bear)
In a flashback we see that Walt’s got ~powers~ in that he doesn’t get attention and the bird he’s writing a report on suddenly hits the window and dies. SpoOoOoOoky! I really wish to god irl Walt (by this I mean the actor) hadn’t grown up and we’d gotten to see more of the Walt is psychic story line!! C'est la vie! Cut to a week later (don’t even get me started on the fact that Susan felt a little bit sick and then a week later dropped dead?? Chat, is that real??) where Susan’s shitty husband Brian is telling Micheal that Walt has bad vibes and he’s gotta go now that Susan is gone lol Micheal decides to spare Walt from the truth of Brian’s wickedness which is the nicest thing he’s ever done.
Back in the present, Michael and Locke are Walt Searching. I love that Boone didn’t bother to help look for Walt. Really good for nothing but being the ********* *** ****** ********. Anyways they rescue Walt from the bear attack and Michael and Walt hug it out. Cute! Back at camp Michael gives Walt the box of letters he tried to send to Walt all through his childhood. Man, Walt would have grown up to have soooo many issues in a normal world 😭😭
Meanwhile, Charlie who is fully reading Claire’s diary realizes that Clair dreamt about “the black rock”, Rousseau also talked about a “black rock”!! Maybe they’re related?? He takes this Jack and Sayid.
Finally, Locke and Boone go off in search of Vincent only to find guess who… Claire!!!!!
Homecoming
Oooh baby things are HEATING UP on the island!!
Okay so Charlie wakes up to find that OMG Claire is home!! But then Claire freaks out saying “Who are you people??” and oh boy, how do you even START to explain everything to a bitch with amnesia. Also, Charlie is just about the last person I want to see when I’m waking up with amnesia!! Bring in Rose or someone else with a trustworthy face! Claire says the last thing she remembers is boarding her flight to LA (imagine having to come to terms with this crash two times lmao) and they reveal that Claire has been gone for nearly two weeks which is SHOCKING!! Is that true?? Charlie gives Claire her diary which is super sweet and tells her about Ethan taking them. Idk, maybe too soon for that info but what do I know.
Meanwhile Jin and Sun watch everything from the sidelines and damn, Jin really has no idea what’s going on lmfao. Does he realize Claire was missing? Kidnapped even?? Does he know Ethan wasn’t on the plane??
The next day Sayid and Jack talk about Claire’s memory loss and damn, Sayid doesn’t trust ANYONE!! He ask Jack how many times he’s diagnosed true amnesia and well… How many times has Jack, a SPINAL SURGEON, diagnosed amnesia?? Probs not many, dude!!
Meanwhile Charlie and Jin are walking together when Jin gets clobbered by a rock and then HOLY FUCKING SHIT it’s Ethan Rom!! Ethan tells Charlie (who pathetically tries to fight Ethan and is immediately bested which lol what did he expect) that he wants Claire back and will kill one survivor a night until she’s back. “And Charlie? I’ll kill you last.” He’s so scary!!
Charlie takes this news to Jack/Locke and they argue over what to do. Charlie wants to go after Ethan and Locke wants to make some little booby traps lol. Jack meanwhile is angry and upset with no plan to speak of! Classic! Locke asks “what if Ethan isn’t alone?” which oooooh Locke what if?? They go for Locke’s hunkering down plan and Boone offers to take first shift… not my first pick if we’re being honest but sure. Sayid responds to this suggestion with “…okay” so we’re on the same page lol
Meanwhile Sun is tending to Jin who says he was attacked because of what the others did lmao he really has no idea what’s going on.
Kate goes to Jack (and approaches him by saying “you look hungry” which… does he???) to suggest they break out the guns but Jack (correctly) points out that if they give a bunch of guns to untrained and scared survivors they’re just going to end up shooting each other. Hey, by the way just some statistics for you real fast, unrelated to the episode but if you buy a gun because Trump got elected you’re significantly more likely to die from a gunshot wound! Either from yourself on purpose, yourself on accident, or from a potential attacker gaining control of your weapon! You’re not more likely to survive an attack AT ALL but you’re actually much more likely to die in an attack. Just some stats you can look up and read about yourself if you’re interested! Back to the ‘sode!
Meanwhile Claire feels like everyone is being so weird towards her but Charlie assures her that they aren’t! (they are)
Overnight Boone falls asleep of course. Boone, you fucking idiot!!! I knew he wasn’t capable! Also what a silly little trolley problem they’re stuck in! I wonder which ***** came up with this sick littl idea. Anyways Steve’s dead. I mean Scott’s dead.
Okay, I didn’t feel like recapping the flashbacks in this ‘sode because it’s just Charlie being a prick to no end but okay so he’s fake dating this girl to steal from her but the only thing he manages to steal at first?? Her heart. And baby, it’s contagious because he catches feelings as well. Anyways he eventually does go through with the thieving because addicts gotta addict and my question is why would he steal an irreplaceable Winston Churchill relic of all things? He couldn’t have found something less noticeable?? Also he gets a job from his fake/real girlfriend’s dad and then voms on day one because he’s going through withdrawals and he chooses of all places to vom into the copier he’s trying to sell? Anyways.
On the island they have a funeral for Steve Scott and Jack decides to pull out the guns after all. Jacky boy is finally getting a little trigger happy! They have four guns and elect to give one to Locke, Jack, Sayid, and…. Sawyer??? Insane that they would choose Sawyer over Kate but Kate is, after all, a woman so I guess I understand. Anyways, Kate pitches a fit that she wasn’t invited to gun town and Sawyer hands her the marshal’s gun because he respects her SOOOOO much more than Jack does.
So the plan is they’re gonna use Claire as bait to ambush Ethan and take him alive. Also integral to the plan: Charlie’s ass is NOT INVITED!!! I would just like to say how much I HATE when Charlie goes into whiney baby mode. He’s so fucking annoying! Anyways, into the jungle they go and Claire waits in the rain for Ethan to show up which he does but for some reason he crawls out of the mud??? Why would he show up like that, why wouldn’t he approach normal style?? Idk anyways, Jack tackles Ethan, dropping his gun but holding him down only for…. aw shit Charlie showed up???? Charlie (stupid, dumb, idiotic) shoots Ethan. I am frothing at the mouth absolutely seething. We needed jungle boy alive!!
Back at the caves Jack asks Charlie why he did it and Charlie says Ethan “deserved” to die which is a huge because I wasn’t aware Charlie was speaking directly to god?? Woah!
Meanwhile Jin still has no idea what’s happening or why multiple people he knows only as the survivors of his plane crash are now dead.
Oh and Claire approaches Charlie to ask why she remembers peanut butter. s’cute!! God the things I could do for her with the right hair products!!
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Also a quick note on why I keep saying Holy Fucking Shit it’s Ethan Rom!! It’s because that’s how the actual scripts were written! Honestly, I would pay sooooo much money for every single Lost script but while I don’t have that I do have a few Lost scripts and here’s an excerpt from season 2 (spoilers ahead):
